Amazon Funny

Every so often I stumble across something on Amazon that leaves me laughing so hard I almost end up crying.

Usually it is the reviews.

Banana Slicer

Today it is the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer. The description is simple enough. Slice an entire banana with one quick motion. Kids love slicing their own bananas. Safer than a knife. Made from dishwasher safe material.

Take a look at some of the reviews.

Was so excited to get my banana slicer in the mail, only to discover that the instructions were in Japanese. How was I supposed to cut my bananas without step by step directions?!?!? Are these people stupid? By the time I was sent the English version in the mail, all my bananas had turned brown and I was forced to throw them out. What a waste.

When I ordered the 571b banana slicer, I was under the impression that it was a family friendly product. I was shocked when I opened the box to see the size of the banana slicer! No banana on earth can measure up to this unrealistic standard! I have several adolescent bananas at home and I fear for their self esteem. When they compare themselves to the 571b they can’t help but feel inadequate. I fear that permanent emotional damage may have already been inflicted by this enormous banana. When will we finally stop the media from pushing these insane and unrealistic physical standards on our young average sized bananas?

And one of my favorites:

For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. “Use a knife!” they say. Well…my parole officer won’t allow me to be around knives. “Shoot it with a gun!” Background check…HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I’ll call it South Side Story.

Banana slicer…thanks to you, I see greatness on the horizon.

About Rachel

Rachel Akers writes about crafts, recipes, and features the adventures of a family of 4. It is always crazy but I wouldn't change it for the world! Comments or questions? Talk to me on Facebook or Twitter or sign up for our RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.