We are nearing what would have been my due date with sweet baby Mila in October. I have found myself thinking of her more and more this last month.
Then I found out yesterday that one of my good friends had a miscarriage. I am devastated for her. And the worst part is I know exactly how she feels yet there are no words to make it better.
Through our conversations with each other and some other friends I have learned the somehow miscarriage has become a dirty word.
I remember when I had my first miscarriage. I was surprised at the number of women who had also had one. Friends, co-workers, family members. I know more people who have had a miscarriage than I do people who have not.
But the common theme among all these women is that you just don’t talk about it. I didn’t find out it was as common as it was until I had one myself.
One friend shared that when she had her miscarriage her entire family ignored it, like the pregnancy just didn’t even exist.
Is it because we don’t know what to say?
Is it because we don’t want to add to the sadness the mother is feeling?
As a women who has very recently had a miscarriage I can tell you that talking about it helps. If you know someone who has suffered through this, please reach out to them. Listen to them. And above all hug them often.
They did nothing wrong. And even though the baby may not have been viable and able to live outside the womb on its own, it is still a baby and that mother loved it as much as she loves her living children.
Part of the healing comes by being able to be honest and talk about them.
It has been 8 years since my first miscarriage. I should have an 8 year old child with me right now. In the years since, I talk about that baby often. I still don’t know if it was a boy or a girl but the impact that baby left on my life will never be forgotten. And for that, it should be discussed, cried over, thought about and celebrated.
Not pushed to the side like it never happened.