Keeping the spark alive is vital for any marriage. It is an ever changing thing that cannot ever be placed on the back burner or put on autopilot. Having kids can often make you feel like your marriage is taking a back seat.
All too often I have heard people say “I figured when the kids were grown we would have time for each other again” and then they are shocked and blindsided when their marriage ends.
There is always something you can do to keep your marriage a priority even when you feel like your kids are pulling you in 20 different directions. We have been married for just over 13 years now and were together for 10 before we actually got married. That is a long relationship. I have known my husband longer than I haven’t known him.
Keep the Spark in Your Marriage
Change your attitude
Your attitude can make all the difference in the world. Change the way you treat your partner by looking at them as a partner. Just the other day I had to stop everything I was doing to take both kids a on a 30 minute one way trip to go to the bank and get gas for the lawn mower. When I was done and my husband thanked me, I said it was my pleasure. And it was. I enjoy helping him do things and even though I had other things to do, my attitude reflected that I was happy to help out.
This goes beyond the typical hello, how was your day statements. Of course those are important but really talk. By talking about the things in your day that happened, your feelings, and even your fears, and dreams, you are opening yourself up to another person. That creates a closeness that lets your partner know you are there for them.
Set Date Times
This one is not always easy. I know with two young kids by the time you factor in a babysitter, that affordable dinner out suddenly becomes unattainable. But dates do not mean you have to leave the house. We have a tradition here where once a month after the kids are in bed we have a late dinner. We cook together and then sit down and eat together. Sometimes it is a steak, sometimes it is nothing more than a frozen pizza. After dinner we play a board game or watch movie. All phones, laptops, and iPad’s are banned during our date. This gives us time to connect and talk.
Schedule intimate time
For me personally, once I had children and became a stay at home mom, I could go weeks at a time and not ever think about sex. Creating a schedule forced me to think about it. After a shower I would use the lotion that I know he liked the smell of. I would take care to wear something that I knew he found me attractive in. I would put on makeup and fix my hair outside of the typical ponytail. This forced me to think about sex and prepare for it. In time the schedule went out the window but our sex lives didn’t.
Consider adding Fiera to the mix
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Right now you can sign up for the Relationship Refresh Newsletter to receive tips with ideas to keep or add the spark back into your marriage.
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How do you keep the spark in your marriage?